This new book we’ve just written might well incite a riot

When we explain the simple truth so no one can deny it

If you don’t like how much you weigh… your weight we’ll help you change

You’re just a rocket ride away… the details we’ll arrange

We’ll take you to another world where all the stars shine brighter

You’ll be amazed by what you’ll weigh… we promise you’ll be lighter

It’s not enough to just believe… you really ought to try it

To start you’ll need to read our book… “The Planetary Diet”

We could fly up to Pluto… so far out in the heavens

Your hundred pounds of weight on Earth on Pluto’s not quite seven

We’d surely fry on Mercury but Mars gives equal weight

Your same one hundred pounds up there weighs under thirty-eight

We’ll race through space to Venus though Saturn’s even funner

Each place we go you’ll need to know you’ll be a ninety-oner

Avoid Neptune and Jupiter… they’ll make your numbers soar

Don’t set your feet upon these two or you’ll be weighing more*

We’ll take you to another world where all the stars shine brighter

You’ll be amazed by what you’ll weigh… we promise you’ll be lighter

It’s not enough to just believe… you really ought to try it

To start you’ll need to read our book… “The Planetary Diet”

We’ll touch down on Uranus…there you’ll still feel much finer

‘Cause you’ll not fail to tip their scale at less than eighty-niner

Should all these planets seem too far to travel for our scheme

Then we’ll just zoom up to the Moon where you’ll weigh seventeen

We’ll take you to another world where all the stars shine brighter

You’ll be amazed by what you’ll weigh… we promise you’ll be lighter

It’s not enough to just believe… you really ought to try it

To start you’ll need to read our book… “The Planetary Diet”

* 100 pounds on Earth = 113 pounds on Neptune or 236 pounds on Jupiter